Shhhhhhhhhhh I am typing this quietly

My hubby is asleep on the settee. He is all washed out. I took him to IKEA ... TWICE in three days... and he has spent two days bulding "things".

Last summer I started to clear a set of shelves that went from floor to ceiling on my landing. It was both messy, never looked tidy and made out of old second hand white formaica that used to belong to my Hubby's Aunt in the form of fitted wardrobes.

The shelving housed everything from all my college, uni and work books, papers and resources. All our books both adult and childrens (being a primary school teacher there was some thought that I had more childrens' books than the children.) All our photos, documents toys, jigsaw.... you get the idea.

I got rid of it. First of all I got rid of anything that had not been played with in the last 3 months. And as Steph and Matty are both teenagers now, it was time for a lot of the stuff to go. I did have to sit Hubby and Matty down to discuss the possible removal of their lego!

It took a long time to sort, throw and find new homes for everything. I cleared a shelf a week.

Anyway just before xmas I was left with a load of books and started selling them through Amazon. It is so much easier than E-bay. All the pics are there you do not have to take photos, the postage is already worked out , although you have to consider the weight of the thing you are selling. When I did not have a job over Xmas it came in handy at £400 plus. You do not have a time limit of how longs things stay for sale either so every so often I get an e-mail advising me to post something.

I am not down to a few books that all fit into one storage box.

Then Hubby was given some money and a fish tank. The tank was given ages ago and we did not have the space to set it all up as it was bigger than the one we have going now. The money was from payment for fitting a kitchen the other week.

So we went to IKEA and we bought a shelving unit for the landing to house our CDs and remaining books that we want to keep

It is a combination of these units (it is not that same combi as in the pic)

2 CD units

One larger books case

One corner smaller book case

THEN for the lounge we bought two sets of drawers and a TV stand.The drawers are supposed to be bedroom furniture but we have a large DVD collection and I am sick of dusting stuff and we thought that having drawers instead of shelves would cut down on the dust and make things look tidier.

They will go next to each other and the drawers line up with each other looking quite sleek. The Fish tank will go ontop of the four drawer set and will then be level with the 6 drawer

Even though Matty helped my poor Hubby is fast asleep now. Some weekend for him!

A Domestic Goddess I am NOT!

Given two choices, to clean the house or do anything else in the rest of the hemisphere, I will opt for the later!
It is not that I do not like my House being tidy and clean -I DO!!!!
I REALLY DO
However I am sick to the bone of tidying up and organising things and then having it all messed up with their stuff. I am sick to the bone of tidying up after THREE adults (even Matty is now 13 - co -ordination, cleanliness and co0operation skills are all a bit poor still).
I resent being laughed at for NOT cleaning the house.
I HAVE lived with approximately 10 yes TEN boxes of tools and other DIY stuff in my bedroom for over a year.
I now have some of that in the kitchen.
I have half my classroom in the lounge and the other half in attic and on the landing ( that is being moved soon)
I am there fore going to IKEA on Friday to find storage solutions for people that will help sort all of this out .

My dad has sold his house. Mum is now in a nursoing home. As it is the school holidays I have been packing up the house for him. Doing some boxes every day. Of course he has been of NOT HELP what so ever, fussing around and annoying us. (that is me being bitter). My sister is heavily pregnant and so happy and I am so happy for her. We need to get this house sorted soon so that she can concentrate on the baby and I start a new job ins September.
My Hubby took a week off work last week so that he could fit a new kitchen for his parents. We are not having a holiday as we have sent both kids on holidays this year that have become very expensive for us. We have also deocrated Matty' bedroom .

But Hey my house is a mess.

OK RANT OVER
oh and going to visit the chemist, ran out of my normal prescription for anti -deps a couple of weeks ago.... thought I could go cold turkey. I am really struggling and loosing control so going to the chemist.
OH here are some pictures of my latest projects.

I am really enjoying doing this

Under the washing just near the chimmney I have a strawberry plant. last year I got three, this year a bowl full . Am going to put the plants into the chimmney for next year.

In this corner there is, Lemon Balm, Sorrel, Chives, Parsley, Lavender, Marjoram, just been given a Rosemary.

Two trays of corriander and Marjoram propigating. (ooo err big word)

Broccoli, Lettuce, Basil, now have Carrots, Corriander, Rocket, Bay, in there too

Tomato and Pepper plants - now have a chillie plant there too.

Bella The Blue Berlingo out side my little house

Thoughts

Why do I have and empty huge fish tank(the smaller one is full), a box of papers and a wheelbarrow in my living room?

Why, when I ask everyone to put all thier bathroom products in the new cupboards that have been built so the room looks tidy, does my daughter think it does not mean her!

Why does a 13 year mad son think that threatening his parents with a toy basebat when they are are arguing over possession of the duvet and who has the most room on the bed, is going to work!

Driving home from work wearing your shoes on the wrong feet is NOT a good idea (I change my shoes to drive)

Why can I not find a new job?

What is the assumption that any game involving a ball (whatever shape, size or colour) must be watched and take ALL priority on the TV watching of the family.

I tidied Matty's room today.... sick of "nagging" on about it.... I made 58p. Not as good as when I once. found £10 in drawer - unwritten agreement that any money I find that is not in a piggy bank or wallet is mine for being FORCED to tidy up.

Still have an industrial tile cutter plus other assorted tools etc in my bedroom.

My request to have the plug socket mended in my bedroom today has fallen on deaf ears.

White wine is VERY good.

ALSO storing all baby items in my house as it is unlecuky to have them in my sister's house.

Next door have a tortoise called Shadrack Dingle!

planted out my little veg garden . lettuces, broccoli, two courgette plants, two chilli plants and a basil.

Went to a nture reserve and whilst we walking around it , a group of DINGBATS in cars came and had a race around the carpark .... the dusty, sandy YELLOW carpark. Walked back an hour later and saw a yellow cloud rising above the carpark. Got to the car, no dingbats and my car was covered..... COVERED in yellow dust.... laughing stock at work the following day until I got it washed.

The bare faced cheek!!

After not blogging for a month I have the Gaul to post.... I hear you cry.

I am so sorry.... I am really!!!

honestly!!

and I am drunk.

And it is a Thursday night.

PHEWWWWW what a lot has happened.

Well. life is hectic. I want the GCSE season over and done with. Steffi is precariously balanced between achieving and totally flopping these exams. I do not know what the equivalent exams are in the rest of the world but she basically leave school this May. She wants to continue to a post 16 "A" level at a another local school but she has been given certain grades to achieve.

I am so proud of her , but I never in my wildest thoughts would have thought that I would be telling 16year child to STOP revising as it is making her ill. She is relentless in her study and it is affecting her health. I had to intervene last week and contact her main tutor. After she found out she was not as cross as I thought.

My position as her Mother contradicts my profession as a Teacher, big style!!!

The other bad news is that I am out of a job in September!!! So I am applying for everything and anythings that is going at this moment. I wish that prospective employers would look beyond my weight issue!

The good news is that after years of not thinking it possible, I have finally got a relationship with my sister. We are actually talking it is wonderful and the reason why????

Well after not thinking it possible, she turns 40 next month, she is pregnant. She is going to have a baby in November.... I AM GOING TO FINALLY BE AN AUNTIE!!!!

I have asked that instead of being called "Auntie Fiona" That I be called Auntie Fizz ....... even if I so sound like a antacid stomach remedy!

De-briefing the last 12 weeks

I have seriously neglected my blog - I know I have . I am sorry little blog I will look after you better in the future I will try.
I work in 12 week cycles as that is how long a school term usually lasts for. The last term/12 weeks has been horrendous to say the least and I have been pushed to my limit in many ways.

Cancer
My lovely FIL was diagnose just before Christmas with Colon cancer. He had three course of Chemo and then had had a chunk of his bowel/colon removed. He is now embarking on regime of 9 courses of Chemo. He is having a tough time as he is still recovering from the op too.
My MIL is running herself ragged to say the least. It is hard to know what to do for the best really. I have helped take her shopping and on hospital visiting. Hubby does some of the heavier things around the house. We try and keep things as light as possible.

MS.
Mum spent about two months in hospital after Xmas. Her MS acted up after she got a urine infection and then caught MRSA in her catheter wound as a result of the bug being on the ward.(Quite a lot of the wards were actually closed at the time due to bugs and mrsa -very bad)
She left hospital and went to live in a nursing home. Although she agreed to it, she has not found it easy (who would) and has tried to take it out on my Father. Basically he has decided that he can not cope with her.

Alcoholism
Dad's need got worse until he upset my sister at Xmas making a fool of himself. She has instigated the nursing home and also is looking at getting the house sold so that Dad can live in somewhere more comfortable. I took Dad to the docs where he asked for help to quit the drink. He is very frail now and has many illnesses that we are only just finding out about.

Career.
I am on a long term contract in this school, finishing in July. I had hoped that they would find something for me in September. However that is very unlikely now. I am new to teaching and obviously have a lot to learn. I made a mistake - through naivety and it came back to haunt me. I am now working with a member of staff who has made it clear I am a nice person but she can not work with me. I have apologised but my one mistake but am aware that she has a lot of other issues in her life. These other issues do not seem to be taken into account by the management and as a result I have been hurt , badly hurt. I hate being centre of attention. I do not like being visual in the work place and yet for the last 4/6 weeks I have been. I have hated it. I have begun to have panic attacks again. In fact had a huge one in front of my hubby and his Friend when I went to pick them up from the pub. I do not think I will be asked back in September and it is hurting me badly. I have made some really good friends and they can see the whole situation from my point of view. However I am not permanent member of staff and this other person has been there fore 14 years.... they have believed her!

Daughter
Is doing her final /important school exams in May - GCSEs. She is handling it well, except becoming very very self centered and more selfish than usual. She expects a lot and refuses to do anything. It is also hurting me a lot. She has a boyfriend and a part time job. She is very organised and in control. However, what is coming out of her mouth is rude.

Son.
13 tomorrow. Constantly filthy. A sharp wit. Growing up fast. NEEDS A BATH

Bathroom
We started building/replacing the bathroom in August. When I had no work just before Christmas, we were left with one half completed (new wash basin, new toilet , mirror, airing cupboard etc). Then in February the money came through for the other half. Hubby set to at the same time his Dad had his op. Consequently his mind was not on the project (whose would be) and the result was that one wall had to be re tiled. However in this time he took the bath out and it was a further SIX weeks before we could have a bath or a shower. So we got used to washing the bottom half upstairs and top half downstairs (where you wash your hair under a mixer tap in the kitchen). It has been lovely to have a shower this last week.

Driving
At xmas I had a crash. I did post about it. Whilst sitting in the ambulance waiting to go to hospital, I was told by the police attending the crash that they would not take any further action and leave it up to the insurance companies. So I was rather cross/surprised/embarrassed when I recieved a letter from the police in February to tell me that they had decied to take action against me (I had admitted blame to the insurance companies). I was to pay £164 to go on a "Driver Improvement Training Course" or go to court and fined £2500 fine and three points on my licnense. It was a no brainer really. I took the course this week and spent most of the time driving the MOST UNCOMFORTABLE CAR in the world. I am not sure what kind it was. But it had realy hurt my back this week.

40.
Hubby turned 40 last Friday. We arranged to hold a party for him as early as last May. However it was to be in his parents garden. Being that his Dad has been so poorly I decided to hold it here. I have never held a party here and so was rather worried about it. My in-laws were still insistent that we could have it at their house but I felt that if my FIL had a bad day (which is what happened) he would not have any where to go. Hubby knew something was up, but not what. However, it all turned out for the best even if I did have another panic attack during it all. It also coincided with the dead line for all my daughter's coursework to be handed in. So the air was a bit fraught.
As the house was a building site. I got hold of some red and white hazard tape that is used in offices and other work places to rope off areas that are unsafe. I put all the tools and work equipment into my bedroom (with a pathway to the bed kept clear of course) and then sealed the door with the tape so that no one could get in.

Cold sore.
So today is Monday. I am tired, I am worn down. and worn out. I have managed to avoid every single bug at school and at home and yet I woke up on Saturday morning with an inflamed nose. By today I ache all over, want to sleep, am hot and cold. I went to the docs and it is the recurrence of a cold sore that I got last June. That one scarred me very badly and I really do not want another scar next to the original one. Last year it took two course of antibiotics, a antiviral pill and FOUR weeks to clear. This year he had given me all the antibiotics together to run after each other and also the antiviral pills too. He has also increased my anti depressants to take into account my panic attacks.

Plan
My plan for these holidays is to continue to clear out all the crap that we are hoarding in this house. Make space, once the bathroom is finally finished clean and clean and clean.

OOO and rest I suppose.

Round up Round down

Well the boys (i.e. Matty and Hubby) have driven me potty from the moment they woke up. After buying an X-box a couple of weeks ago they are hooked. OR they watch sport. It is driving me potty. Did I say that already?
Anyway I had a real need to write a list of jobs for them this morning, I mean the sun was shinning, the birds were singing and they sat down at turned the TV on. So after a brunch of my scrambled eggs on toast I announced they were to go Wee wee and get in the car. I went to visit my Mum in the nursing home and dumped them in the near by park. Told then I would pick them up in about an hour.
HAHAHA
They enjoyed it . I got peace to.
When do men grow up?
Do they grow up?
Shucks I know the answer to that!
They are still having farting competitions!

The pole dancing has not been mentioned again. Well not by Steffi, for my colleagues it is another matter! It is amazing how many different puns they can make around the subject of pole dancing. In Steph's defence, she is only 16 and trying to sound grown up (I still do not feel grown up and I am *mumble* over 40!). She did only see it as a form or exercise. I however, could see her pure innocence, being manipulated by the seedy side of life. She will NOT entertain that she is not in control of the horrible people that pry on the vulnerable/innocent. AND I am not going to imagine that she leads a purely innocent life, it is not a case of " my daughter is so pure that she would never do anything wrong" Life is all about learning through mistakes. But this my job is still to guide and persuade and at moments like these. PUT MY BLOODY FOOT DOWN!

OK Round up and round down.
Gee what a week.

The good news that after having part of his Colon removed last week, my lovely Father in Law was released from Hospital this week. Hubby and I went to check he was home on Thursday and found my MIL just about to leave to pick him up so we were really glad that we could go and pick him up and help settle him in at home. The operation went so well that he does not need a colostomy bag and there is a chance that he may need less than the 9 courses of chemo that they have booked for him. I have taken my MIL shopping today and seen him, he is really uncomfortable but glad to be home. He is such a gentle man and I love him dearly. My MIL is beginning to relax.

I took my Dad for breakfast this morning (he paid, I drove). Last weekend my sister and I met him to talk about his drinking, which we reckon and have proof that he is regularly (Daily, )drinking the equivalent of 2 bottles of wine. My sister ( the bossy one of the two of us) has made an appointment with the doc on Monday and I am taking him. (She is meeting us there) She is very well meaning but prone to lecturing. I hope that I have the more gentle approach. However, unless Dad makes the effort himself (which I am not sure he will), then it will all go weird. I hope not. He really worries my , he is looking older and older on a weekly basis , he is Not looking after himself. AND he is just letting everyone do everything for him. It is like he is giving up. I think that that now Mum is in the nursing home, he just does not know what to do with himself. I feel for him I dearly do. He has spent most of his time in the last 10 - 15 years dealing with mum. All that responsibility has now been taken from him and he is lost. He now has to think about how to occupy himself. He took himself in to town on Monday to inspect the new city museum, only to find that it does not open on a Monday.I see that as a more positive act than tackling the drink.

Mum is settling down in the home. It is a lovely home. She is getting used to pottering around her room and the rest of the home. She is getting to know her "neighbours". One is equally a member of the God Squad so she is happy. She watches all the wildlife outside her patio window ( she is in a ground floor room and has a very small patio that will take her wheelchair). She has a pair of wood pigeons that live near her that are so well fed, they are FAT FAT FAT , I call them "the turkeys". Every time I go I get a run down on the activities of " the turkeys". The irony of it all is that now she is being properly cared for, she is fitter than she has been in ages and therefore, a bit too fit for the home.

My Husband is busy trying to finish the bathroom. BUT he spent the last weekend in there trying to tile an alcove around where the bath and shower should be and really did not have him mind on the job ( his Dad had just had the op) looking back he got himself in rather a tizzy and needless to say were are now entering our third week without a bath or shower in the house. Of the tiling that he did do, some of it has fallen off. Looking back - he is not a great talker - he made himself really quite ill trying to sort the bathroom whilst his Dad was in hospital. I can understand that . ( a certain teen aged daughter can not). I am quite used to getting washed at the bathroom sink and doing my hair in the kitchen sink (easier to do there).

We have also run out of money and so things are quite a bit ropey. However last night we met some friends for ONE drink, We could afford this. The boys we met - ex scouts and therefore always seen as boys in my eyes. Anyway the boys, decided we could not go home and so funded our evening out on the understanding that I gave two of them a lift home. I did not realise how drunk Hubby was until we had dropped the last passenger off. He was roaring drunk. REALLY - but funny.... a bit too amorous for my liking if you know what I mean with a drunk man!!!
BUT it has become apparent today how much stress he has been under. He is Hating the bathroom. The fact that every weekend he feels he HAS to go in there and finish it... so I am not going to push him.

However, he is 40 soon and I have arranged something secretly so to speak so I hope that it is completed by then... if not well everyone knows what we are like!

Me????
Oh I have had a shite time. The family stuff is really bad enough, but since I last posted I have found that someone that I have to work very closely with does not like my personality. Apparently I am too giddy. I am stuck now, I know that this person is feeling an empty nest syndrome, I know that they are not working where they want to be. But the brunt of all their feelings is being taken out on me. Literally. I am having things thrown on my desk - in my direction, I am having them shout derogatory words at me in front of the class etc.
I have shed tears. Lots of tears. I have sat down with this person and they have been open but to make them happy I have to become ( in my mind) boring. It is a very weird feeling having your personality questioned. It is also a hard thing to change. Should I change it? What should I do? I feel better that I have spoken to them. I feel that I have brought it out into the open .HOWEVER, my contract finishes in July and this person in VERY friendly with the the Deputy Head (the person you have to impress) I do not think I will be staying on in September. I think this person has but an end to any chance that I had of staying on. It is very sad. I love this school - deeply and feel I can help and play a part in the whole community of it .

So there you are.... my round up and round down.
I have drunk a Huge glass of wine whilst writing this...... it is funny how therapeutic writing a blog post whilst drinking a glass of wine can be.


postscript.... in all that has been happening , for some reason I feel that Hubby and I have become a lot closer.... A lot closer.

And you expect me to agree to this?

"Mum you are going to say yes or no"
"mmmmm"
"Well...... you know *Name* ?
"No"
" You do, I am always talking about her, a friend of *boyfriend's name*...."
"Oh right" (Never heard the name in my life
"Well me , her and *three or four other female names that all belong to girlfriend of her boyfriend's friend.*
Well we are...."
"You are not going to London with them"
"No not that"
"Or Manchester"
"or there"
"Or Liverpool..."
"MUM *suitable teenage whine*"
*Garbled really fast but with a conviction that only the stupid and foolish would believe....*Well we thought we may take up pole dancing ...."
NO
"but"
"No"
"it is good for your muscles"
"NO, NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!"


Hand me the whisky someone I have come over wierd - all of a sudden!

Before reading this post, please look at my new header and then look at the post below.

I am writing this whilst steffi is dressed in a swimming costume and standing at my kitchen sink having a wash!
It is a weird sight, made worse by the teenage panic/drama that is involved.
Why does she have to do this?
Well in August we started to refit the bathroom. Every weekend my hubby worked inthere, until by the end of OCtober he had refitted and moved all the electrics, moved vital pipes, fitted new lighting (and speakers!) and a lovely mirror. He also fitted the toilet, washbasin some base units, replaced the boiler/tank rebuilt the airing cupboard and tiled and grouted everything on the walls surrounding the new fittings.
Then at the end of October I was without work and any regular pay so we stopped there. All that was left was the bath and shower which are in an alcove in the bathroom. OOO and the floor needed tiling after it has all been done.
This weekend he began again and the first thing he had to do was take out the bath. Easier said than done. We knew it was a metal one, but it was an iron one. An aqua/turqoise/green one. Disgusting shade and badly chipped and stained over time. He could not move it. There was not room in the bathroom for two people. Although steph went in to help at one point.
Once the bath was out on the landing it became apparent that it would not go downstairs in one piece. So he set to trying to break it up. Well he banged at it , tried to drill holes into it, tried to saw it NOTHING happened except he was drippign with sweat and all his hands and arms were beginning to hurt. So in desperation he went over the road to the £shop and paid £16 for a proper sledgehammer.... FIVE swings and it was in bits. However even so , those bits were hard work getting down my very high/steep stairs. He did it and it is now in my garden. By the time he had tidied up and moved all the broken off enamel etc it was the day nearly gone.
He is fair to say he was in a bad state last night and had heat pads all over him. He spent the night complaining in his sleep about his arms and hands. Poor Man
Today he is boarding out the alcove ready to tile- he has worked out that he needs tile the alcove and the put the bath and shower in. So he will do that today and tomorrow. He also has realised that he never bought any fittings for the waste pipes for the bath which means that we need til wait until Thursday - my pay day to get them.
HENCE no bath or shower until then.
Now I do not have a problem with this.
I can cope with strip washes and hair washes over the sink or wash basin. I mean the end is in sight. He has worked so hard so I do not have a problem with it.
It will not affect Matty in the least as trying to get him to have a bath is a hard enough task at the best of times.
BUT Steph ..... PANIC!!!!
Hence the reason for washing her hair and having a wash infront of the sink wearing a swimming costume at this time. (OOOO she knows I am writing this )

Thank You Jo

Look up there,

Jo made me a super new banner for my blog.

Brill isn't it!

A big

THANK YOU JO

All I wanted was just ONE lousey picture of him looking smart!

Monday did not happen as was planned. We did a bit of this and a bit of that.
Tuesday, we did clean the house as planned.... my dad's house that is and enough said. There is so much family strife going on with regards to my parents. Everyone has an opinion and really every opinion is correct ... I think that is the hardest thing about it all. In the real world there is so much that should be done. But what actually happens is another thing.
I do know that my kids went in to the house like a SWAT team. We had already discussed who was doing what room. The smell hit us as we went in and withing two mins. every window was open. I was very impressed with them . Really impressed with them.

This afternoon I fell asleep. I am so weary by it all. I am also trying very hard to get my own medication sorted out. I used to take it in the morning , even though the doc recommended I took it in the evening. I felt that I functioned better by taking them in the morning. I have gone two weeks without them so now have to get them back in my system - I felt so spaced out the other day that I have decided to try the night time routine again.

For sale one bloody 12 year old .....
What is a boy supposed to do when his laptop is riddled by a virus (sent from mum's laptop!!)
His mum has claimed the TV for the evening so he can not play the X-box
And his Dad is working and can not be interupted....
I KNOW... I will annoy the life out of the nearest person going .... namely MOI

He does make me giggle.... he has so much energy this evening ....

Yesterday I had brekkie with my Dad. Spent the morning in B&Q and Hombase. Drove home with huge planks of plasterboard and wood balanced on my shoulders!
Slept loads in the afternoon and at night .reckon I must have needed it
Today I am supermarketing , taxi driving for hormonal teenagers! collecting teenagers and visiting parents
Tomorrow I am cleaning my house. Kids beware
Tuesday - Cleaning my Dad's house
Wednesday - visiting a friend in the afternoon
Thursday- Going into work for the day
Friday - may go into work for the day - but hubby is taking our bath out and fitting a new one plus a shower in its place -so may be needed to help (read supervise as not allowed to touch the tools!)
Friday night meeting up with my best friend .... ohhhh yeah
Saturday and Sunday will be generally the same as above.
And this week will be my holiday week!

I have a hhhhhhuuuuuuuggggggggeeeee list of things to do.
Family be warned
Family beware
Family do not try and take cover as I will be cleaning under there too!

Don't fall on the floor, this is a new post!

I am sat here, waiting for midnight to come as I have instructions to drive across a very cold and icy city to the countryside to pick Steph up from a party!

I do not mind, however I just wish it was a warm summer's evening. My driving has taken a knock since the accident before Christmas. I was just managing with the new car when I recieved a letter from the police saying they would proscecute me for reckless driving and give me a fine of £2.500 if I did not take a driving course with them. So of course I have signed up for the driving course. I am a bit miffed when the police attending the accident acknowledged that I had mis read the traffic lights and would "leave it up to the insurance companies to sort out". Ever since THAT letter I have been second guessing myself and scaring myself in the process.

Today, after a lot of wrangling and a HUGE argument that risked virtually any relationship that was left between us, I had with my sister, my Mum has gone into a nursing home. She has been in hopsital since the first week of January. The home is lovely, but of course - and naturally it will take a while for her to settle in.

Now it is time to sort Dad out. He has to sell his house. His reaction to all of this is to take pleasure in leaving it all up to us to do.
I mean everything.
I went in to the house last week and needing a wee, I went upstairs and had to clean the toilet it was disgraceful. The more that is done for him the more he expects us to do. Hence the argument, as I will not panda to that. Not when I have my own house to do. We have doen so muh in the past. The argument was very very emotional and ended up with me driving (God knows how) up to my Dad's house and sreaming at him, demanding to know what he has been saying. My sister had been thinking that I never asked what was going on, and never visited. When in fact I had been visiting, not as much as guiltilty I think I should, and I always ask about what was happening with regard to Mum and Dad etc. My Dad just asnswers that it is in my sister's hands. THEN when she asks if I have asked, he says no! OMG did I scream and cry and howl at him!!
He just got drunk
Even in his new place he will have to clean a toilet.
My friends at work the next day acknowledged how rough I looked and how I was making myself ill. My boss did a double take one day last week 'cos I looked so rough. So I booked myself in to have my hair done. I have the roots dyed back to my natural dark brown and then red highlights put in.
The red highlights did not take.
I had to go back today to have them redone -stronger. I feel more human.
But incredibly tired.

So today was my family.
Tomorrow is my Husband's family - My FIL is dealing with the Chemo and all the hospital visits with a dignity that can only be recognised with a deep, sincere, loving respect. I call my FIL my "Dig Daddy" - He calls himself my "Big Daddy".
Wierd that at 41 I need a Dad - but after so many years of wrestling with my own parents problems and "stupidty" I can only admire this man more. I love him to bits.

My MIL - Who I love to bits, is cleaning for britain. She is wound so tightly at the moment. She is helping Steph with a project for school tomorrow - a bit of diversional tactics on my part. How Steph will cope I do not know as I have just piucked her up from that party - she is now drunk but on a high - after party high. She has a friend with her too and they are giggling like any 16 year olds. Rather cute. God knows when they will / if they will get any sleep. Tomorrow is she is expected to go and cut this Corset out at my MIL's house. OOOOH yes she does textiles for her exams. And as a final piece she is making a Corset!!!! a Black hook and eye at the front and proper bone/stays in and lacing at the back!!! IN my day we made an "A- line" skirt!!! Skirts I can make. Trousers I am a dab hand at ... any thing tricky gets sent to my MIL.
Hence the diversional tactic.

I, however, in the midst of all this chaos am not relaxing and so am still selling books, Cds and video/PS2/PC games. If it has an ISBN then it may get sold. !!! IF it does not get sold it is getting - gotten rid of!!!

My car is full of books I can not sell. and other stuff - all waiting for trips to the book dump and tip.

My head is whirling and spinning - I can not sleep I have to be doing things. I have huge plans for the week school holidays. The kids are taking cover already BUT I have not touched thier bedrooms for months....and they are not listening to my warnings... to the roll of bin bags are coming out.

I am really letting my head unravel writing all of this.

Going back to my Dad's house, both the kids have been grounded for doing something that has really annoyed me. But I have not grounded them this weekend .... NO NOT ME
I have grounded them in advance for one day in the up coming school holiday, when we will go up and clean Dad's house ready for it going on the market. Oooo they are so happy about that!!!

Work is chaos but I LOVE IT - my class are wonderful

UPDATE - I did the taxing.... after a shakey drive earlier in the evening this return visit was not too bad ... but I did run over a rabbit!!!!

Rounding up and balancing the scales.

In the best of therapy they tell you to make a list of the good and the bad.
Good

1. I am back at work and LOVE it. It is so good to be back. I went in on Monday and I love my class and all my surroundings. I know that all work places have the "politics" but this is me settled. I have a job until the summer holidays and I am hoping that I will be kept on. I am trying my best to do the right thing. To plan correctly, inspire, follow up, assess correctly.... everything that will make them want to keep me on.
2. The insurance paid out and covered the cost of a new car, plus service package and tax. In fact we made a little profit! I collected it last night and as you will read further on, the timing could not have been better. I managed to get in the car and drive, which is great as I had to get it home. You would not believe that it is the same colour, same year. It is amazing . They rushed it through valeting for me, and then as it was not dry I sat on plastic covers to get it home. My hubby however had a VERY wet bum when I picked him up LOL
3. As you will see below, I am selling all the books and Cd's and DVDs in the house on Amazon . I have made £300 since 28th DEC. £400 in total. It takes a bit to come though but it is working. You just put in the ISBN number and it comes up and then you press a "sell your copy" button and PUFF you go through the listing process.
4. Hubby works as a Techie as a profession. He brought home a hand held scanner and so I just scan the bar code into the PC and "Poof" the number appears!!!

The Crap. (condensed)

1. My Lovely, fantastic FIL has colon Cancer. Starts the chemo this week. We have been told it is treatable. I am really torn up about this. Hubby is in denial. Am concerned for him. He has an op to fit a tube that will feed the chemo into his heart.
2. My Mum is in hospital again with a urine infection. She has caught the MRSA bug (supper bug). She should be barrier nursed as it is infectious only there is not enough beds for this to happen. The actual infection is on her stomach where her catheter tube enters her pubic/stomach area. Therefore if I touch the sheets etc I must wash and use antiseptic gel provided the hospital to kill the infection so that I do not pass any of it onto my FIL.
3. We are really short of money. My daughter got loads of money for working over Xmas and also as presents she has given it to us to use as we are so skint. The money for the car was kept on one side for obvious reasons. I will not get paid until the end of Feb. We had to borrow money off my in-laws tonight .
4. My Dad has decided not to do anything for himself. As I was ill just before Xmas with the crash and everything, I did not get to decorate the house or write his Xmas cards so he did not bother with either. Then on Xmas day my sister and BIL cooked for them (mum was a bit vague and tired).Dad got drunk and ruined their Xmas. The fall out has been awful. Lots of hints that dad has told me is true that I let the family down. I feel shite!
5. Sister is organising for Mum to go into full time care, and Dad to sell the house and get a one bed flat that he can manage. There is a lot of family politics going on. I have tried to explain that I can not be split in so many ways
6. My daughter is sitting her mock exams and I want to support her in every way.

I am trying my hardest honestly