Monday, 6 April 2009

De-briefing the last 12 weeks

I have seriously neglected my blog - I know I have . I am sorry little blog I will look after you better in the future I will try.
I work in 12 week cycles as that is how long a school term usually lasts for. The last term/12 weeks has been horrendous to say the least and I have been pushed to my limit in many ways.

My lovely FIL was diagnose just before Christmas with Colon cancer. He had three course of Chemo and then had had a chunk of his bowel/colon removed. He is now embarking on regime of 9 courses of Chemo. He is having a tough time as he is still recovering from the op too.
My MIL is running herself ragged to say the least. It is hard to know what to do for the best really. I have helped take her shopping and on hospital visiting. Hubby does some of the heavier things around the house. We try and keep things as light as possible.

Mum spent about two months in hospital after Xmas. Her MS acted up after she got a urine infection and then caught MRSA in her catheter wound as a result of the bug being on the ward.(Quite a lot of the wards were actually closed at the time due to bugs and mrsa -very bad)
She left hospital and went to live in a nursing home. Although she agreed to it, she has not found it easy (who would) and has tried to take it out on my Father. Basically he has decided that he can not cope with her.

Dad's need got worse until he upset my sister at Xmas making a fool of himself. She has instigated the nursing home and also is looking at getting the house sold so that Dad can live in somewhere more comfortable. I took Dad to the docs where he asked for help to quit the drink. He is very frail now and has many illnesses that we are only just finding out about.

I am on a long term contract in this school, finishing in July. I had hoped that they would find something for me in September. However that is very unlikely now. I am new to teaching and obviously have a lot to learn. I made a mistake - through naivety and it came back to haunt me. I am now working with a member of staff who has made it clear I am a nice person but she can not work with me. I have apologised but my one mistake but am aware that she has a lot of other issues in her life. These other issues do not seem to be taken into account by the management and as a result I have been hurt , badly hurt. I hate being centre of attention. I do not like being visual in the work place and yet for the last 4/6 weeks I have been. I have hated it. I have begun to have panic attacks again. In fact had a huge one in front of my hubby and his Friend when I went to pick them up from the pub. I do not think I will be asked back in September and it is hurting me badly. I have made some really good friends and they can see the whole situation from my point of view. However I am not permanent member of staff and this other person has been there fore 14 years.... they have believed her!

Is doing her final /important school exams in May - GCSEs. She is handling it well, except becoming very very self centered and more selfish than usual. She expects a lot and refuses to do anything. It is also hurting me a lot. She has a boyfriend and a part time job. She is very organised and in control. However, what is coming out of her mouth is rude.

13 tomorrow. Constantly filthy. A sharp wit. Growing up fast. NEEDS A BATH

We started building/replacing the bathroom in August. When I had no work just before Christmas, we were left with one half completed (new wash basin, new toilet , mirror, airing cupboard etc). Then in February the money came through for the other half. Hubby set to at the same time his Dad had his op. Consequently his mind was not on the project (whose would be) and the result was that one wall had to be re tiled. However in this time he took the bath out and it was a further SIX weeks before we could have a bath or a shower. So we got used to washing the bottom half upstairs and top half downstairs (where you wash your hair under a mixer tap in the kitchen). It has been lovely to have a shower this last week.

At xmas I had a crash. I did post about it. Whilst sitting in the ambulance waiting to go to hospital, I was told by the police attending the crash that they would not take any further action and leave it up to the insurance companies. So I was rather cross/surprised/embarrassed when I recieved a letter from the police in February to tell me that they had decied to take action against me (I had admitted blame to the insurance companies). I was to pay £164 to go on a "Driver Improvement Training Course" or go to court and fined £2500 fine and three points on my licnense. It was a no brainer really. I took the course this week and spent most of the time driving the MOST UNCOMFORTABLE CAR in the world. I am not sure what kind it was. But it had realy hurt my back this week.

Hubby turned 40 last Friday. We arranged to hold a party for him as early as last May. However it was to be in his parents garden. Being that his Dad has been so poorly I decided to hold it here. I have never held a party here and so was rather worried about it. My in-laws were still insistent that we could have it at their house but I felt that if my FIL had a bad day (which is what happened) he would not have any where to go. Hubby knew something was up, but not what. However, it all turned out for the best even if I did have another panic attack during it all. It also coincided with the dead line for all my daughter's coursework to be handed in. So the air was a bit fraught.
As the house was a building site. I got hold of some red and white hazard tape that is used in offices and other work places to rope off areas that are unsafe. I put all the tools and work equipment into my bedroom (with a pathway to the bed kept clear of course) and then sealed the door with the tape so that no one could get in.

Cold sore.
So today is Monday. I am tired, I am worn down. and worn out. I have managed to avoid every single bug at school and at home and yet I woke up on Saturday morning with an inflamed nose. By today I ache all over, want to sleep, am hot and cold. I went to the docs and it is the recurrence of a cold sore that I got last June. That one scarred me very badly and I really do not want another scar next to the original one. Last year it took two course of antibiotics, a antiviral pill and FOUR weeks to clear. This year he had given me all the antibiotics together to run after each other and also the antiviral pills too. He has also increased my anti depressants to take into account my panic attacks.

My plan for these holidays is to continue to clear out all the crap that we are hoarding in this house. Make space, once the bathroom is finally finished clean and clean and clean.

OOO and rest I suppose.

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