I have seriously neglected my blog - I know I have . I am sorry little blog I will look after you better in the future I will try.
I work in 12 week cycles as that is how long a school term usually lasts for. The last term/12 weeks has been horrendous to say the least and I have been pushed to my limit in many ways.
Cancer
My lovely FIL was diagnose just before Christmas with Colon cancer. He had three course of Chemo and then had had a chunk of his bowel/colon removed. He is now embarking on regime of 9 courses of Chemo. He is having a tough time as he is still recovering from the op too.
My MIL is running herself ragged to say the least. It is hard to know what to do for the best really. I have helped take her shopping and on hospital visiting. Hubby does some of the heavier things around the house. We try and keep things as light as possible.
MS.
Mum spent about two months in hospital after Xmas. Her MS acted up after she got a urine infection and then caught MRSA in her catheter wound as a result of the bug being on the ward.(Quite a lot of the wards were actually closed at the time due to bugs and mrsa -very bad)
She left hospital and went to live in a nursing home. Although she agreed to it, she has not found it easy (who would) and has tried to take it out on my Father. Basically he has decided that he can not cope with her.
Alcoholism
Dad's need got worse until he upset my sister at Xmas making a fool of himself. She has instigated the nursing home and also is looking at getting the house sold so that Dad can live in somewhere more comfortable. I took Dad to the docs where he asked for help to quit the drink. He is very frail now and has many illnesses that we are only just finding out about.
Career.
I am on a long term contract in this school, finishing in July. I had hoped that they would find something for me in September. However that is very unlikely now. I am new to teaching and obviously have a lot to learn. I made a mistake - through naivety and it came back to haunt me. I am now working with a member of staff who has made it clear I am a nice person but she can not work with me. I have apologised but my one mistake but am aware that she has a lot of other issues in her life. These other issues do not seem to be taken into account by the management and as a result I have been hurt , badly hurt. I hate being centre of attention. I do not like being visual in the work place and yet for the last 4/6 weeks I have been. I have hated it. I have begun to have panic attacks again. In fact had a huge one in front of my hubby and his Friend when I went to pick them up from the pub. I do not think I will be asked back in September and it is hurting me badly. I have made some really good friends and they can see the whole situation from my point of view. However I am not permanent member of staff and this other person has been there fore 14 years.... they have believed her!
Daughter
Is doing her final /important school exams in May - GCSEs. She is handling it well, except becoming very very self centered and more selfish than usual. She expects a lot and refuses to do anything. It is also hurting me a lot. She has a boyfriend and a part time job. She is very organised and in control. However, what is coming out of her mouth is rude.
Son.
13 tomorrow. Constantly filthy. A sharp wit. Growing up fast. NEEDS A BATH
Bathroom
We started building/replacing the bathroom in August. When I had no work just before Christmas, we were left with one half completed (new wash basin, new toilet , mirror, airing cupboard etc). Then in February the money came through for the other half. Hubby set to at the same time his Dad had his op. Consequently his mind was not on the project (whose would be) and the result was that one wall had to be re tiled. However in this time he took the bath out and it was a further SIX weeks before we could have a bath or a shower. So we got used to washing the bottom half upstairs and top half downstairs (where you wash your hair under a mixer tap in the kitchen). It has been lovely to have a shower this last week.
Driving
At xmas I had a crash. I did post about it. Whilst sitting in the ambulance waiting to go to hospital, I was told by the police attending the crash that they would not take any further action and leave it up to the insurance companies. So I was rather cross/surprised/embarrassed when I recieved a letter from the police in February to tell me that they had decied to take action against me (I had admitted blame to the insurance companies). I was to pay £164 to go on a "Driver Improvement Training Course" or go to court and fined £2500 fine and three points on my licnense. It was a no brainer really. I took the course this week and spent most of the time driving the MOST UNCOMFORTABLE CAR in the world. I am not sure what kind it was. But it had realy hurt my back this week.
40.
Hubby turned 40 last Friday. We arranged to hold a party for him as early as last May. However it was to be in his parents garden. Being that his Dad has been so poorly I decided to hold it here. I have never held a party here and so was rather worried about it. My in-laws were still insistent that we could have it at their house but I felt that if my FIL had a bad day (which is what happened) he would not have any where to go. Hubby knew something was up, but not what. However, it all turned out for the best even if I did have another panic attack during it all. It also coincided with the dead line for all my daughter's coursework to be handed in. So the air was a bit fraught.
As the house was a building site. I got hold of some red and white hazard tape that is used in offices and other work places to rope off areas that are unsafe. I put all the tools and work equipment into my bedroom (with a pathway to the bed kept clear of course) and then sealed the door with the tape so that no one could get in.
Cold sore.
So today is Monday. I am tired, I am worn down. and worn out. I have managed to avoid every single bug at school and at home and yet I woke up on Saturday morning with an inflamed nose. By today I ache all over, want to sleep, am hot and cold. I went to the docs and it is the recurrence of a cold sore that I got last June. That one scarred me very badly and I really do not want another scar next to the original one. Last year it took two course of antibiotics, a antiviral pill and FOUR weeks to clear. This year he had given me all the antibiotics together to run after each other and also the antiviral pills too. He has also increased my anti depressants to take into account my panic attacks.
Plan
My plan for these holidays is to continue to clear out all the crap that we are hoarding in this house. Make space, once the bathroom is finally finished clean and clean and clean.
OOO and rest I suppose.
Monday, 6 April 2009
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Round up Round down
Well the boys (i.e. Matty and Hubby) have driven me potty from the moment they woke up. After buying an X-box a couple of weeks ago they are hooked. OR they watch sport. It is driving me potty. Did I say that already?
Anyway I had a real need to write a list of jobs for them this morning, I mean the sun was shinning, the birds were singing and they sat down at turned the TV on. So after a brunch of my scrambled eggs on toast I announced they were to go Wee wee and get in the car. I went to visit my Mum in the nursing home and dumped them in the near by park. Told then I would pick them up in about an hour.
HAHAHA
They enjoyed it . I got peace to.
When do men grow up?
Do they grow up?
Shucks I know the answer to that!
They are still having farting competitions!
Anyway I had a real need to write a list of jobs for them this morning, I mean the sun was shinning, the birds were singing and they sat down at turned the TV on. So after a brunch of my scrambled eggs on toast I announced they were to go Wee wee and get in the car. I went to visit my Mum in the nursing home and dumped them in the near by park. Told then I would pick them up in about an hour.
HAHAHA
They enjoyed it . I got peace to.
When do men grow up?
Do they grow up?
Shucks I know the answer to that!
They are still having farting competitions!
Saturday, 7 March 2009
The pole dancing has not been mentioned again. Well not by Steffi, for my colleagues it is another matter! It is amazing how many different puns they can make around the subject of pole dancing. In Steph's defence, she is only 16 and trying to sound grown up (I still do not feel grown up and I am *mumble* over 40!). She did only see it as a form or exercise. I however, could see her pure innocence, being manipulated by the seedy side of life. She will NOT entertain that she is not in control of the horrible people that pry on the vulnerable/innocent. AND I am not going to imagine that she leads a purely innocent life, it is not a case of " my daughter is so pure that she would never do anything wrong" Life is all about learning through mistakes. But this my job is still to guide and persuade and at moments like these. PUT MY BLOODY FOOT DOWN!
OK Round up and round down.
Gee what a week.
The good news that after having part of his Colon removed last week, my lovely Father in Law was released from Hospital this week. Hubby and I went to check he was home on Thursday and found my MIL just about to leave to pick him up so we were really glad that we could go and pick him up and help settle him in at home. The operation went so well that he does not need a colostomy bag and there is a chance that he may need less than the 9 courses of chemo that they have booked for him. I have taken my MIL shopping today and seen him, he is really uncomfortable but glad to be home. He is such a gentle man and I love him dearly. My MIL is beginning to relax.
I took my Dad for breakfast this morning (he paid, I drove). Last weekend my sister and I met him to talk about his drinking, which we reckon and have proof that he is regularly (Daily, )drinking the equivalent of 2 bottles of wine. My sister ( the bossy one of the two of us) has made an appointment with the doc on Monday and I am taking him. (She is meeting us there) She is very well meaning but prone to lecturing. I hope that I have the more gentle approach. However, unless Dad makes the effort himself (which I am not sure he will), then it will all go weird. I hope not. He really worries my , he is looking older and older on a weekly basis , he is Not looking after himself. AND he is just letting everyone do everything for him. It is like he is giving up. I think that that now Mum is in the nursing home, he just does not know what to do with himself. I feel for him I dearly do. He has spent most of his time in the last 10 - 15 years dealing with mum. All that responsibility has now been taken from him and he is lost. He now has to think about how to occupy himself. He took himself in to town on Monday to inspect the new city museum, only to find that it does not open on a Monday.I see that as a more positive act than tackling the drink.
Mum is settling down in the home. It is a lovely home. She is getting used to pottering around her room and the rest of the home. She is getting to know her "neighbours". One is equally a member of the God Squad so she is happy. She watches all the wildlife outside her patio window ( she is in a ground floor room and has a very small patio that will take her wheelchair). She has a pair of wood pigeons that live near her that are so well fed, they are FAT FAT FAT , I call them "the turkeys". Every time I go I get a run down on the activities of " the turkeys". The irony of it all is that now she is being properly cared for, she is fitter than she has been in ages and therefore, a bit too fit for the home.
My Husband is busy trying to finish the bathroom. BUT he spent the last weekend in there trying to tile an alcove around where the bath and shower should be and really did not have him mind on the job ( his Dad had just had the op) looking back he got himself in rather a tizzy and needless to say were are now entering our third week without a bath or shower in the house. Of the tiling that he did do, some of it has fallen off. Looking back - he is not a great talker - he made himself really quite ill trying to sort the bathroom whilst his Dad was in hospital. I can understand that . ( a certain teen aged daughter can not). I am quite used to getting washed at the bathroom sink and doing my hair in the kitchen sink (easier to do there).
We have also run out of money and so things are quite a bit ropey. However last night we met some friends for ONE drink, We could afford this. The boys we met - ex scouts and therefore always seen as boys in my eyes. Anyway the boys, decided we could not go home and so funded our evening out on the understanding that I gave two of them a lift home. I did not realise how drunk Hubby was until we had dropped the last passenger off. He was roaring drunk. REALLY - but funny.... a bit too amorous for my liking if you know what I mean with a drunk man!!!
BUT it has become apparent today how much stress he has been under. He is Hating the bathroom. The fact that every weekend he feels he HAS to go in there and finish it... so I am not going to push him.
However, he is 40 soon and I have arranged something secretly so to speak so I hope that it is completed by then... if not well everyone knows what we are like!
Me????
Oh I have had a shite time. The family stuff is really bad enough, but since I last posted I have found that someone that I have to work very closely with does not like my personality. Apparently I am too giddy. I am stuck now, I know that this person is feeling an empty nest syndrome, I know that they are not working where they want to be. But the brunt of all their feelings is being taken out on me. Literally. I am having things thrown on my desk - in my direction, I am having them shout derogatory words at me in front of the class etc.
I have shed tears. Lots of tears. I have sat down with this person and they have been open but to make them happy I have to become ( in my mind) boring. It is a very weird feeling having your personality questioned. It is also a hard thing to change. Should I change it? What should I do? I feel better that I have spoken to them. I feel that I have brought it out into the open .HOWEVER, my contract finishes in July and this person in VERY friendly with the the Deputy Head (the person you have to impress) I do not think I will be staying on in September. I think this person has but an end to any chance that I had of staying on. It is very sad. I love this school - deeply and feel I can help and play a part in the whole community of it .
So there you are.... my round up and round down.
I have drunk a Huge glass of wine whilst writing this...... it is funny how therapeutic writing a blog post whilst drinking a glass of wine can be.
postscript.... in all that has been happening , for some reason I feel that Hubby and I have become a lot closer.... A lot closer.
OK Round up and round down.
Gee what a week.
The good news that after having part of his Colon removed last week, my lovely Father in Law was released from Hospital this week. Hubby and I went to check he was home on Thursday and found my MIL just about to leave to pick him up so we were really glad that we could go and pick him up and help settle him in at home. The operation went so well that he does not need a colostomy bag and there is a chance that he may need less than the 9 courses of chemo that they have booked for him. I have taken my MIL shopping today and seen him, he is really uncomfortable but glad to be home. He is such a gentle man and I love him dearly. My MIL is beginning to relax.
I took my Dad for breakfast this morning (he paid, I drove). Last weekend my sister and I met him to talk about his drinking, which we reckon and have proof that he is regularly (Daily, )drinking the equivalent of 2 bottles of wine. My sister ( the bossy one of the two of us) has made an appointment with the doc on Monday and I am taking him. (She is meeting us there) She is very well meaning but prone to lecturing. I hope that I have the more gentle approach. However, unless Dad makes the effort himself (which I am not sure he will), then it will all go weird. I hope not. He really worries my , he is looking older and older on a weekly basis , he is Not looking after himself. AND he is just letting everyone do everything for him. It is like he is giving up. I think that that now Mum is in the nursing home, he just does not know what to do with himself. I feel for him I dearly do. He has spent most of his time in the last 10 - 15 years dealing with mum. All that responsibility has now been taken from him and he is lost. He now has to think about how to occupy himself. He took himself in to town on Monday to inspect the new city museum, only to find that it does not open on a Monday.I see that as a more positive act than tackling the drink.
Mum is settling down in the home. It is a lovely home. She is getting used to pottering around her room and the rest of the home. She is getting to know her "neighbours". One is equally a member of the God Squad so she is happy. She watches all the wildlife outside her patio window ( she is in a ground floor room and has a very small patio that will take her wheelchair). She has a pair of wood pigeons that live near her that are so well fed, they are FAT FAT FAT , I call them "the turkeys". Every time I go I get a run down on the activities of " the turkeys". The irony of it all is that now she is being properly cared for, she is fitter than she has been in ages and therefore, a bit too fit for the home.
My Husband is busy trying to finish the bathroom. BUT he spent the last weekend in there trying to tile an alcove around where the bath and shower should be and really did not have him mind on the job ( his Dad had just had the op) looking back he got himself in rather a tizzy and needless to say were are now entering our third week without a bath or shower in the house. Of the tiling that he did do, some of it has fallen off. Looking back - he is not a great talker - he made himself really quite ill trying to sort the bathroom whilst his Dad was in hospital. I can understand that . ( a certain teen aged daughter can not). I am quite used to getting washed at the bathroom sink and doing my hair in the kitchen sink (easier to do there).
We have also run out of money and so things are quite a bit ropey. However last night we met some friends for ONE drink, We could afford this. The boys we met - ex scouts and therefore always seen as boys in my eyes. Anyway the boys, decided we could not go home and so funded our evening out on the understanding that I gave two of them a lift home. I did not realise how drunk Hubby was until we had dropped the last passenger off. He was roaring drunk. REALLY - but funny.... a bit too amorous for my liking if you know what I mean with a drunk man!!!
BUT it has become apparent today how much stress he has been under. He is Hating the bathroom. The fact that every weekend he feels he HAS to go in there and finish it... so I am not going to push him.
However, he is 40 soon and I have arranged something secretly so to speak so I hope that it is completed by then... if not well everyone knows what we are like!
Me????
Oh I have had a shite time. The family stuff is really bad enough, but since I last posted I have found that someone that I have to work very closely with does not like my personality. Apparently I am too giddy. I am stuck now, I know that this person is feeling an empty nest syndrome, I know that they are not working where they want to be. But the brunt of all their feelings is being taken out on me. Literally. I am having things thrown on my desk - in my direction, I am having them shout derogatory words at me in front of the class etc.
I have shed tears. Lots of tears. I have sat down with this person and they have been open but to make them happy I have to become ( in my mind) boring. It is a very weird feeling having your personality questioned. It is also a hard thing to change. Should I change it? What should I do? I feel better that I have spoken to them. I feel that I have brought it out into the open .HOWEVER, my contract finishes in July and this person in VERY friendly with the the Deputy Head (the person you have to impress) I do not think I will be staying on in September. I think this person has but an end to any chance that I had of staying on. It is very sad. I love this school - deeply and feel I can help and play a part in the whole community of it .
So there you are.... my round up and round down.
I have drunk a Huge glass of wine whilst writing this...... it is funny how therapeutic writing a blog post whilst drinking a glass of wine can be.
postscript.... in all that has been happening , for some reason I feel that Hubby and I have become a lot closer.... A lot closer.
Monday, 2 March 2009
And you expect me to agree to this?
"Mum you are going to say yes or no"
"mmmmm"
"Well...... you know *Name* ?
"No"
" You do, I am always talking about her, a friend of *boyfriend's name*...."
"Oh right" (Never heard the name in my life
"Well me , her and *three or four other female names that all belong to girlfriend of her boyfriend's friend.*
Well we are...."
"You are not going to London with them"
"No not that"
"Or Manchester"
"or there"
"Or Liverpool..."
"MUM *suitable teenage whine*"
*Garbled really fast but with a conviction that only the stupid and foolish would believe....*Well we thought we may take up pole dancing ...."
NO
"but"
"No"
"it is good for your muscles"
"NO, NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!"
Hand me the whisky someone I have come over wierd - all of a sudden!
"mmmmm"
"Well...... you know *Name* ?
"No"
" You do, I am always talking about her, a friend of *boyfriend's name*...."
"Oh right" (Never heard the name in my life
"Well me , her and *three or four other female names that all belong to girlfriend of her boyfriend's friend.*
Well we are...."
"You are not going to London with them"
"No not that"
"Or Manchester"
"or there"
"Or Liverpool..."
"MUM *suitable teenage whine*"
*Garbled really fast but with a conviction that only the stupid and foolish would believe....*Well we thought we may take up pole dancing ...."
NO
"but"
"No"
"it is good for your muscles"
"NO, NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!"
Hand me the whisky someone I have come over wierd - all of a sudden!
Saturday, 21 February 2009
Before reading this post, please look at my new header and then look at the post below.
I am writing this whilst steffi is dressed in a swimming costume and standing at my kitchen sink having a wash!
It is a weird sight, made worse by the teenage panic/drama that is involved.
Why does she have to do this?
Well in August we started to refit the bathroom. Every weekend my hubby worked inthere, until by the end of OCtober he had refitted and moved all the electrics, moved vital pipes, fitted new lighting (and speakers!) and a lovely mirror. He also fitted the toilet, washbasin some base units, replaced the boiler/tank rebuilt the airing cupboard and tiled and grouted everything on the walls surrounding the new fittings.
Then at the end of October I was without work and any regular pay so we stopped there. All that was left was the bath and shower which are in an alcove in the bathroom. OOO and the floor needed tiling after it has all been done.
This weekend he began again and the first thing he had to do was take out the bath. Easier said than done. We knew it was a metal one, but it was an iron one. An aqua/turqoise/green one. Disgusting shade and badly chipped and stained over time. He could not move it. There was not room in the bathroom for two people. Although steph went in to help at one point.
Once the bath was out on the landing it became apparent that it would not go downstairs in one piece. So he set to trying to break it up. Well he banged at it , tried to drill holes into it, tried to saw it NOTHING happened except he was drippign with sweat and all his hands and arms were beginning to hurt. So in desperation he went over the road to the £shop and paid £16 for a proper sledgehammer.... FIVE swings and it was in bits. However even so , those bits were hard work getting down my very high/steep stairs. He did it and it is now in my garden. By the time he had tidied up and moved all the broken off enamel etc it was the day nearly gone.
He is fair to say he was in a bad state last night and had heat pads all over him. He spent the night complaining in his sleep about his arms and hands. Poor Man
Today he is boarding out the alcove ready to tile- he has worked out that he needs tile the alcove and the put the bath and shower in. So he will do that today and tomorrow. He also has realised that he never bought any fittings for the waste pipes for the bath which means that we need til wait until Thursday - my pay day to get them.
HENCE no bath or shower until then.
Now I do not have a problem with this.
I can cope with strip washes and hair washes over the sink or wash basin. I mean the end is in sight. He has worked so hard so I do not have a problem with it.
It will not affect Matty in the least as trying to get him to have a bath is a hard enough task at the best of times.
BUT Steph ..... PANIC!!!!
Hence the reason for washing her hair and having a wash infront of the sink wearing a swimming costume at this time. (OOOO she knows I am writing this )
I am writing this whilst steffi is dressed in a swimming costume and standing at my kitchen sink having a wash!
It is a weird sight, made worse by the teenage panic/drama that is involved.
Why does she have to do this?
Well in August we started to refit the bathroom. Every weekend my hubby worked inthere, until by the end of OCtober he had refitted and moved all the electrics, moved vital pipes, fitted new lighting (and speakers!) and a lovely mirror. He also fitted the toilet, washbasin some base units, replaced the boiler/tank rebuilt the airing cupboard and tiled and grouted everything on the walls surrounding the new fittings.
Then at the end of October I was without work and any regular pay so we stopped there. All that was left was the bath and shower which are in an alcove in the bathroom. OOO and the floor needed tiling after it has all been done.
This weekend he began again and the first thing he had to do was take out the bath. Easier said than done. We knew it was a metal one, but it was an iron one. An aqua/turqoise/green one. Disgusting shade and badly chipped and stained over time. He could not move it. There was not room in the bathroom for two people. Although steph went in to help at one point.
Once the bath was out on the landing it became apparent that it would not go downstairs in one piece. So he set to trying to break it up. Well he banged at it , tried to drill holes into it, tried to saw it NOTHING happened except he was drippign with sweat and all his hands and arms were beginning to hurt. So in desperation he went over the road to the £shop and paid £16 for a proper sledgehammer.... FIVE swings and it was in bits. However even so , those bits were hard work getting down my very high/steep stairs. He did it and it is now in my garden. By the time he had tidied up and moved all the broken off enamel etc it was the day nearly gone.
He is fair to say he was in a bad state last night and had heat pads all over him. He spent the night complaining in his sleep about his arms and hands. Poor Man
Today he is boarding out the alcove ready to tile- he has worked out that he needs tile the alcove and the put the bath and shower in. So he will do that today and tomorrow. He also has realised that he never bought any fittings for the waste pipes for the bath which means that we need til wait until Thursday - my pay day to get them.
HENCE no bath or shower until then.
Now I do not have a problem with this.
I can cope with strip washes and hair washes over the sink or wash basin. I mean the end is in sight. He has worked so hard so I do not have a problem with it.
It will not affect Matty in the least as trying to get him to have a bath is a hard enough task at the best of times.
BUT Steph ..... PANIC!!!!
Hence the reason for washing her hair and having a wash infront of the sink wearing a swimming costume at this time. (OOOO she knows I am writing this )
Thursday, 19 February 2009
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